I used to lead a landscaping company when I lived in Albuquerque.  It was a great experience and it was an awesome opportunity to work for my friend there.  I learned a lot during that time of my life.  While working there I would take clients to a local nursery to get a better idea of the plantings I was suggesting for their landscape.  Once the selections were made I would place the order.

Those plants I am sure were very content staying right there in the nursery.  They had plenty of water and the appropriate lighting necessary for their growth.  But there would come a day for those plants to be relocated to another location… possibly their permanent home. 

Israel was taken care of by God while wandering in the wilderness.  God lead them with a cloud by day and fire by night.  They went were he lead.  They grumbled and complained a lot.  Yet the entire time Joshua was being raised up to lead them on into the Promised Land and out of the wilderness.

God has used wilderness experiences in my life to get my attention that it was time to go somewhere else.  Now – I’m not saying that He leads everyone that way… that’s just how He has gotten me to make a move in one direction or the other.   

No matter where you may be today in your walk with Christ – you will always be walking toward greater maturity.  In order to do so that may mean you will have to step out of the nursery and into the wilderness for a bit.  But take heart God will be there in the fog and will lead with fire.  Bloom wherever God plants.

There are a few songs I really like to listen to when I drive… especially when I am going through a contemplative season.  It’s that season again.  “Somewhere North” by Derek Webb is one of those songs. 

It’s a muggy night in Houston
And all the intersections are like full service stations
I’m on my way to a familiar place
It’s cold in Kansas City
And you can no more hear me than I can see your face
How I wish it was just you and me

We wouldn’t have to talk above the crowd
We wouldn’t have to talk so loud

Chorus
I give you my life and all I am
But what have I to give
So I hand you a candid photograph of this little boy
‘Cause I have nothing to my name
But I can give you that

I don’t miss the driving
Seems like forever
And I’m always driving in my mind
And wearing out the road that gets me there

And I’m driving till my eyes just can’t see straight
But I suppose that it’s getting late

Chorus

I may never find the sleep
I’ve lost all feeling in my hands and
Feet may touch the ground but
My mind’s somewhere north of here

I saw Derek Webb perform at Berry College with Joel and Jason last winter.  Webb was awesome!  I don’t recall if he sang this or not… I assume this song is about a relationship with a girl.  I have another take on it for my life and will write about it in Part Two.

I knew what God was wanting to do with me at the time.  I knew what He was calling me to do.  I knew what He was preparing.  But I had this fear of stepping out and doing what He wanted me to do. 

Fear.  It’s an ugly four letter word.  One that I don’t like to face. 

So what happened on that day in my bedroom?  I had been praying about this thing on my mind.  I knew what God was telling me.  Yet I wanted him to write it out on the wall for me… send me a letter in the mail… speak to me audibly.  I just wanted authoritative proof that what was on my mind was really Him and not something I was making up in my mind. 

So what happened while in my bedroom?  Well, after I prayed I recall having this thought come to my mind. “Read Psalm 32:8-11.”  OK – cool – I will read it.  I did.  Before I read it I had no idea what it was going to say.  I wasn’t even sure if there were 11 verses in this Psalm.  I grabbed my NIV and started reading:

I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go;
       I will counsel you and watch over you.

Do not be like the horse or the mule,
       which have no understanding
       but must be controlled by bit and bridle
       or they will not come to you.

 Many are the woes of the wicked,
       but the LORD’s unfailing love
       surrounds the man who trusts in him.

 Rejoice in the LORD and be glad, you righteous;
       sing, all you who are upright in heart.

Well, He didn’t have to head me over the head!  But I’m glad He did! After-all I asked for it!

Tonight I am reading in Psalm 32.  While reading this passage I am reminded of that particular evening.  Now I’m 43.  Guess what!  I still struggle with that fear. 

My friend James told me yesterday, “Don’t be afraid”  – among other things.  Sometimes I think if God would put that bit in my mouth and lead me on I will not need to fear… yet he says, “Don’t be like the horse of the mule…”  I guess I’m a jack ass !  Just kidding… I’m a child of God that wants to be safe.  I need to live with “Reckless Abandon”.

Why all of the fear?

There are times when you can’t understand why you cannot do what you want to do. When God brings a time of waiting, and appears to be unresponsive, don’t fill it with busyness, just wait. The time of waiting may come to teach you the meaning of sanctification— to be set apart from sin and made holy— or it may come after the process of sanctification has begun to teach you what service means. Never run before God gives you His direction. If you have the slightest doubt, then He is not guiding. Whenever there is doubt— wait.

At first you may see clearly what God’s will is— the severance of a friendship, the breaking off of a business relationship, or something else you feel is distinctly God’s will for you to do. But never act on the impulse of that feeling. If you do, you will cause difficult situations to arise which will take years to untangle. Wait for God’s timing and He will do it without any heartache or disappointment. When it is a question of the providential will of God, wait for God to move. (My Utmost for His Highest, January4).

As it pertains to the dream he was given, I wonder what ran through Joseph’s mind as he lived each day.  Did he know in his heart of hearts that his brothers would really bow to him?  Did he ever regret telling his brothers and father his dream?  Did he think it was going to take so long to see the fulfillment?  Should he have kept the dream to himself?  Did he prematurely speak about it?  No matter what the answers are – the dream was real and the dream became reality. 

But before the dream became reality – what was on the mind of Joseph?  How did he live the way he did… where did his hope come from?  Did the dream stay on his mind?  Did he never think about it again?  Was he looking daily for it to become reality? Or did a set of circumstances down the road bring him back to his teenage dream?

As I have been reading for whatever reason ”Kyrie” by Mr. Mister keeps playing in my head.  The words Kyrie eleison keep coming to my mind.  I realize Joseph was Hebrew but I wonder if he would have prayed these words, Kyrie eleison?  I’m sure in some way he must have prayed, “Lord, have mercy.”

(kĭr‘ēā‘ əlā‘ēsŏn‘, –sən) [Gr.,=Lord, have mercy], in the Roman Catholic Church, prayer of the Mass coming after the introit, the only ordinary part of the traditional liturgy said not in Latin but in Greek. It has nine lines: “Lord have mercy (thrice), Christ have mercy (thrice), Lord have mercy (thrice).” As the first invariable hymn, the Kyrie is often the first piece in a musical Mass. An English version is used in the Anglican liturgy and in the reformed Roman Catholic vernacular liturgy. The phrase Kyrie eleison used by itself is, of course, common in the Eastern rites, but without the phrase Christe eleison.The corresponding prayer in the Russian Orthodox church is often called a Kyrie.

Kyrie eleison, kyrie eleison, kyrie

The wind blows hard against this mountain side,
across the sea into my soul
It reaches into where I cannot hide,
setting my feet upon the road

My heart is old, it holds my memories,
my body burns a gemlike flame
Somewhere between the soul and soft machine,
is where I find myself again

Kyrie eleison, down the road that I must travel
Kyrie eleison, through the darkness of the night
Kyrie eleison, where I’m going will you follow
Kyrie eleison, on a highway in the light

When I was young I thought of growing old,
of what my life would mean to me
Would I have followed down my chosen road,
or only wished what I could be

Kyrie eleison, down the road that I must travel
Kyrie eleison, through the darkness of the night
Kyrie eleison, where I’m going will you follow
Kyrie eleison, on a highway in the light

Kyrie eleison, down the road that I must travel
Kyrie eleison, through the darkness of the night
Kyrie eleison, where I’m going will you follow
Kyrie eleison, on a highway in the light

love, I get so lost sometimes
days pass and this emptiness fills my heart
when I want to run away
I drive off in my car
but whichever way I go
I come back to the place You are (Peter Gabriel, “In Your Eyes”).

Joseph had a dream. When he told it to his brothers, they hated him even more. He said, “Listen to this dream I had. We were all out in the field gathering bundles of wheat. All of a sudden my bundle stood straight up and your bundles circled around it and bowed down to mine.”

His brothers said, “So! You’re going to rule us? You’re going to boss us around?” And they hated him more than ever because of his dreams and the way he talked.

He had another dream and told this one also to his brothers: “I dreamed another dream—the sun and moon and eleven stars bowed down to me!”  (Genesis 37:5-9, The Message).

God – He is the Dream Keeper.

I asked God, “What do You want to talk about?”  I believe He gave me my next thought.  He wanted me to talk about one of those things on my mind.  I prayed and the next thing I knew it was just a few minutes after 7.  I don’t know how long we talked… Joel will probably have a smart remark and say a minute or two… I just don’t recall the time.  But I do know the conversation with God was about.

So, now I’m in my office jotting down some of my thoughts before they get away.  Peace, hope, love, joy, and calm are the things running through my mind… and my heart.  I’m thankful for the experience.  I’m thankful for the conversation at 5:02 AM.

After jotting down my thoughts – I looked up Brian Bloye’s blog (Pastor of West Ridge Church in Hiram).  He has a post entitled, “Still”.  Take a quiet moment and read what he as to say.  I know you will be spoken to…

At various times in our lives, our cirumstances often dictate how we pray.  I’m sure when Jonah was first thrown overboard and swallowed up by a giant fish he was relieved and scared all at the same time.  The Lord “provided” the fish for Jonah.  See Jonah 1:17.  I would bet his repentance was in the first several seconds of being eaten alive.  I’m sure the circumstances of the next 3 days and nights dictated a different kind of prayer. 

Jonah 2:2 lets us in to see how Jonah prayed,

He said:
       “In my distress I called to the LORD,
       and he answered me.
       From the depths of the grave ^[a] I called for help,
       and you listened to my cry.

I’m learning I can run from God but I cannot out run Him.  In fact, I don’t even think God tries to chase any of us down.  I am beginning to think that our running from Him actually catches up with us on its own -through our circumstances.  I look at the various times I have run from God and I can see the destruction that has followed.  There have been many times when I decided to do plan B because somewhere down the road I thought plan B would help me accomplish plan A.  WRONG!

In fact, look at Jonah 2:2 one more time.  Jonah prayed, “In my distress…”  The distress he caused himself by not doing what God told him to do in plan A.

The circumstances of a saint’s life are ordained of God. In the life of a saint there is no such thing as chance. God by His providence brings you into circumstances that you can’t understand at all, but the Spirit of God understands. God brings you to places, among people, and into certain conditions to accomplish a definite purpose through the intercession of the Spirit in you. (Chambers, My Utmost for His Highest, November 7).

I got up this morning and knew I had to get up and go cry out to Him.  I want answers, I want a word from Him, I want Him to speak to me, and I want Him to deliver me from the circumstances I find myself in today.  Today, I call out to Him out of my distress (the distress I brought on myself).  I remember the words of Jesus in Matthew 6:33, “But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.”

I have an anticipation of the future - that’s a good thing.  I am calling out to God not so that I can obtain those things but rather so I can know Him.  I’m sure many of us feel the same way with a different set of circumstances.  It’s time to get on our knees and seek the Father.  For some, life has never been better.  For those of you who are experiencing that I ask you to get on your knees and intercede for the many who are in need of seeking God…  the many who are in need of a miracle from God.

I’m reminded of the intro to a song by Jerusalem on the live Album… “I am a warrior, you are a warrior, in the Army of God. Stand up, take your sword, take your shield, and start fighting - don’t sit down.” No matter where you find yourself today:  On dry land living life, in the belly of ship sound asleep (Jonah 1:5), or in the belly of a great fish… it’s time to take your sword, take your shield, and start fighting – PRAY!

So now at 12:30 AM I get out of bed to read Psalm 50.  In verse 10, God tells his people he owns the cattle on a thousand hills.  Every bird and animal belongs to him. 

Verse 14 God states, “What I want instead is your true thanks to God; I want you to fulfill your vows to the Most High.”  Hear what God says here in verse 15, “Trust me in your times of trouble, and I will rescue you, and you will give me glory.”

Psalm 50 ends with these two verses:  “Repent, all of you who ignore me, or I will tear you apart, and no one will help you.  But giving thanks is a sacrifice that truly honors me.  If you keep to my path, I will reveal to you the salvation of God.” (23 – 24, NLT).

Do you find yourself in a time of trouble?  Do you need God’s help? Then keep to His path!  Walk His road.  Live in obdience to His Word.  Love Him.  Trust Him.  And give Him thanks!

He’s not looking for our sacrifices – our burnt offerings.  He is asking that we repent… trust him in our time of trouble… give Him thanks – this is the sacrifice He is looking for.  God wants us to stay true to Him.  Put our trust only in Him.  He owns it all.  Everything belongs to Him.  Repent and keep to His path and we will see His salvation.

There was so much covered during those two days.  I have been able to apply some of what I have gained to my life at work.  The 2 books I picked up are going to keep me moving forward on the “business” side of the conference. (Tribes by Seth Godin and Saving the World at Work by Tim Sanders)  Still there is this unresolved portion of what happened while there. 

I was reading Jayme’s blog this morning and she definitely hit on some of the nerve surrounding this that I feel.  I highly encourage you to read it!

There’s an “emptiness” to what I feel now… some unfinished business maybe. 

Joel read to us in our men’s group this morning Psalm 107.  It’s the “cried out to the LORD” verses that keep ringing in my head right now. 

I’m not sure I have really “cried out to the LORD” yet.  It is time to…