What do you do when your dreams aren’t turning out the way you expected?  Do you give up? Do you ignore your dream(s)? Do you continue waiting like the Israelites did whining and complaining? Or maybe you are like me and go through seasons of depression, times of complaining, moments of bitterness, and times of intense growth in Scripture and prayer.  I’ve experienced all of it.  I wish I could say I have been more spiritual than the rest of my list.

Maybe you are a lot like me and you have experienced the highs and lows of waiting.  The one thing I am so glad I can say is that I haven’t given up.  I haven’t quit pressing on and looking to God for strength and wisdom. Despite my resolve to finish this race strong, I have gone through moments of whining and complaining the past several years.  I told one friend recently that it is time for a change… just to hear him say, “That’s what your baby will be crying for after she is born. (Due in September).

Waiting is an interesting activity.  There are times of waiting and being still before the Lord.  And at the other extreme there are those times where it is necessary to break down some walls and get busy… put your hands to the plow and work.  During this season of waiting I’ve done a little of both.  But each time I begin to get busy I keep hearing this voice say, “This isn’t it.”  I heard those all familiar words at the first of this year. It was once again very frustrating for me.  What did I do?  I obeyed what I believed the Holy Spirit was telling me to do.  I totally backed off and stopped volunteering what I was doing at a particular church.

I haven’t arrived at where I desire and believe I will be one day…  I have a lot of hopes and dreams…  But I do believe I am exactly where I am supposed to be.  I’m taking in everything I can as I continue to wait and seek the Lord. 

The following message by Brian Bloye, “When Life Makes You Wait.”  Has been one of those moments where God has affirmed His presence in my life.  This message really inspired me.  I hope it will you too.

I’m working on a series of posts based off of a song by Peter Gabriel. The title of the song is somewhere inside this post. Until I complete it I will continue to repost some of my previous writings.

This is from March 13, 2009:
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I’m in the midst of a project with the company I work for. It’s called a “Kaizen Event.” Kaizen = incremental changes for the better. So far, our meeting has transpired over five days. (With several more weeks to go). After a week of this my brain is fried! This event has really challenged my thinking about the processes that we were asked to evaluate and to bring about change.

During my drive time home each day I have debriefed the days discussions, this process, and my own life in the light of this process. Before going to bed each night I have been reading Erwin McManus’ book Wide Awake. I have been in Chapter 3, Adapt,all week long. The focus of this chapter has been on change or as McManus writes, “reinventing yourself” by the power of the Holy Spirit. See 2 Corinthians 5:17 and Romans 12:1-2.

What is it about change that you like or dislike?

At work we are wanting to take something that is a good thing and make it better by walking through this process. As I look at my own life and evaluate it – I want to bring my good life to the foot of the Cross and give it to my Lord and say, “Jesus, bring about the incremental changes in my life for the better so that I may be pleasing in your eyes.” In this chapter McManus challenges,

“If you’re not living the life of your dreams, if you wake up with that little bit of sadness in the mornings because you know you’re underachieving, living a life of mediority, and chooosing average, it’s easy to blame everyone else for your condition. Especially when your condition is really good, but not the dream God has for you. You’re not called to settle for the good life; you are called to a life of greatness.” (Wide Awake, 67).

What is it that you must do to bring your life from good to great? Living the dream is to live a life of greatness. It’s a humbling invitation given by God to be transformed by the renewing of your mind so that you can live, test, and approve what His perfect will is for your life.

Are you living the dream?

I’m reading a lot these days. In the past 6 weeks I’ve read: A Million Miles in a Thousand Years by Donald Miller – Scouting the Divine by Margaret Feinberg – The Principle of the Path by Andy Stanley – and It by Craig Groeschel. I have also mixed in a bit of the Bible.

Putting all of this into one package equals WOW! I’m still in the midst of reading It and let me tell you it is challenging me to the core.

Donald Miller has shown me that I need to edit my life to write a better story. Because if I don’t I’m on a path that Andy Stanley has told me I’m on that has a destination. And when I look in my rear-view mirror I don’t like the wreckage that I see.

So, as I come to understand the path I’m on and that I’m in need if a better story for my life I realize that in the midst of it all that really at the center of it is God. Margaret Feinberg has given me the eyes to see I need to Scout the Divine in all things. (I have eaten honey all weekend… Get the book to know what I’m talking about).

Bring all of the things I’ve gained through Miller, Feinberg, and Stanley and wrap it all up with “It”. I know I’m on the right path for writing a better story. Because I know I have it and I have what it takes to make life around me better.

The Holy Spirit has spoken to me through Paul in 1 Thessalonians chapter 1, “God not only loves you very much but also has put his hand on you for something special.” (The Message)

Praise the Lord!

I hope that as you think about your life today I pray that others can say of you what Paul said of the Thessalonians in chapter 1, “The news of your faith in God is out. We don’t even have to say anything anymore – you’re the message.” (The Message).

So, what is it you are reading I must add to my library and life?

Let’s all live out that something special He has in mind for us!

I’m having a beautiful moment with the Lord. I’ve wondered if this is one of those moments I should keep to myself or not. Obviously, I’ve decided to share a bit of it.

I’m worlds apart from the person I am to the person I dream of becoming. I wake everyday hoping that today I become more like the man I have entrusted every bit of hope I have… The man is Jesus Christ.

The lyrics of Worlds Apart by Jars of Clay are more beautiful than anything I could ever write on my own:

I pray… “To rid myself of all but love, to give and die… Take my world apart – I am on my knees – take my world apart – broken on my knees… All I am for all you are because what I need and what I believe are worlds apart.” (Jars of Clay).

I pray God takes my world apart and uses me for His glory. I ask him to use the breath He has given me to glorify Himself however he chooses.

I’m understanding today a little bit about obedience thanks to the leadership of the Holy Spirit. I am am rejoicing today with the words of David found in 2 Samuel 22:21-25,

“God made my life complete when I placed all the pieces before him. When I cleaned up my act, he gave me a fresh start. Indeed, I’ve kept alert to God’s ways; I haven’t taken God for granted. Every day I review the ways he works, I try not to miss a trick. I feel put back together, and I’m watching my step. God rewrote the text of my life when I opened the book of my heart to his eyes.”

God take my world apart and let me change the world for your glory…

This morning I told the Lord I would love to just sit down with Him face to face and have a conversation with Him.  A conversation about the inner struggles I have that revolve around my hopes, dreams, and desires for life.  The next thought that raced into my mind was, “You are having that conversation now – faith to face.” 

I have had this ”faith to face” thought  all day.  Way too often I want to skip right on past faith and get down to the things in life that are certain.  Look at Jesus directly and hear him speak to me directly.  Skip right past the uncertainty in following Jesus and live in a confidence that I am pleasing Him.

Well, no sooner than I finished praying I picked up Oswald Chambers just to get smacked around one more time by OC.  When will I ever learn? (At least I know my prayer life is right on target with how God is speaking to me).

The nature of the spiritual life is that we are certain in our uncertainty… Certainty is the mark of the commonsense life— gracious uncertainty is the mark of the spiritual life. To be certain of God means that we are uncertain in all our ways, not knowing what tomorrow may bring. (My Utmost for His Highest, April 29).

With the thoughts of Oswald Chambers lingering in my mind I took a chance and began reading some more of Erwin McManus’ book Wide Awake.  I’m still only able to read this book in small bites…  This is a book that is challenging me to the very core.  Today I finished the chapter “Create”. 

It’s significant that the master didn’t tell the servants what to do when he instructed them to do something with what he gave them.  When they multiplied it, he didn’t quiz them on how they did it.  He just said, “Well done, my good and faithful servant.”  If you are maximizing your capacity, you’re on the way to living your life to the fullest.  To do this, you must not only take responsibility but also risk.  Why did the third servant bury his bag of gold?  He was afraid of his master; he feared he would lose his gold and then be punished.  (174-175).

If you are maximizing your capacity… 

I feel as though I’m not living life to the fullest!  Why? I’m not maximizing my capacity.   I desire to live life beyond the level I am living it right now.  I want to live in breathless expectation of seeing Jesus – yet, do I take time to feed the hungry, clothe the naked, give shelter to the homeless… if I want to see Jesus I must look deeper into the face of humanity and see Him in those I serve.  Am I positioning myself to maximize my capacity?  Or have I positioned myself in a place where my life is so full of other stuff there’s no more room for anything else?

Finally, I’m following Pete Wilson’s blog and Twitter as he maximizes his capacity in India on a mission trip.  If you are not checking in on his updates (or now about Pete), I encourage you to check out what God is doing while he and his team are there.  I have a local pastor-friend who just returned from India as well.  Take a few moments to read how he has been maximizing his capacity.

How do you maximize your capacity?

While reading the Bible this morning I have come in contact with a lifestyle that I question if I have ever really known.  “Living in holy awe before This Name glorious and terrible, God, your God…” Deuteronomy 28:59.  What I gained as I have read this chapter is the importance of hearing the voice of God and living in accordance to His commands.

I was once challenged by someone about my desire to follow God.  In an attempt to get me to quit seeking “full-time ministry” he said I needed to, “Quit treating this calling as a hobby.  We would all love to live out our hobbies but that is just not practical.”  He was saying that my “career” choice as a minister was a hobby and that I needed to get a “real job”.  During that time of my life I needed to be living in holy awe of God.  This should have been a challenge to me to ramp up my spritiual life.

No matter what our careers may be – we each have a calling – a standard God wants us to live up to.  That standard is one of obedience lived out in holy awe. 

If you listen obediently to the Voice of God, your God, and heartily obey all his commandments that I command you today, God, your God, will place you on high, high above all the nations of the world. All these blessings will come down on you and spread out beyond you because you have responded to the Voice of God, your God:

   God’s blessing inside the city,
   God’s blessing in the country;
   God’s blessing on your children,
      the crops of your land,
      the young of your livestock,
      the calves of your herds,
      the lambs of your flocks.
   God’s blessing on your basket and bread bowl;
   God’s blessing in your coming in,
   God’s blessing in your going out.

 God will defeat your enemies who attack you. They’ll come at you on one road and run away on seven roads.

 God will order a blessing on your barns and workplaces; he’ll bless you in the land that God, your God, is giving you.

 God will form you as a people holy to him, just as he promised you, if you keep the commandments of God, your God, and live the way he has shown you.  (Deuteronomy 28:1-9, The Message).

As I read in Acts 21:10-16, Paul is warned by those around him not to go to Jerusalem.  Paul’s response, “The issue in Jerusalem is not what they do to me, whether arrest or murder, but what the Master Jesus does through my obedience. Can’t you see that?”  The best place to be living is in the center of obedience to our Lord Jesus… no matter the cost.

I am not so naive to think just because we are obedient in this life that great things will follow… “worldly blessings.”  However, I do believe God’s blessings will follow every act of obedience of living in holy awe of Him.  That’s the bottom line for me and for you.  We are challenged by the Spirit to live a life pleasing to the Father in Christ Jesus. 

I was reading on Prockey’s Page (This is an outstanding post) and read this quote,   

“Everybody wants to be a rock star, but no one wants to learn the chords.It’s hard work to study God’s Word.  To pray for breakthrough.  To do spiritual battle on behalf of those we lead.  To charge forward in faith for the cause of Christ.  To run a church with the highest standard of excellence.“

The person I quoted earlier about my “hobby” may have some truth to it.  I think I’ve been spoiled on many fronts and even in spiritual things I can see where I have sat back and expected God to just provide this, that, or the other thing.  If I want to be a rock star I’m going to have to be disciplined to learn the chords.  If I want to live in the approval of God I must live a disciplined life in service to His Son – Jesus.

The dreams we have for our lives are a possibility.  But they will never become reality without living in holy awe of the Dream Giver.  Living on our knees doing battle through prayer.  We can’t go after the dream God gives us as if it is some weekend hobby.  We must pursue this thing as if our very lives depend on it.

There’s a scene in Fireproof where Caleb Holt (played by Kirk Cameron) is kneeling down on the floor in prayer seeking God’s face to save his marriage… he is fighting for his marriage in prayer.  He finally learns what it really takes to fight for his marriage… he had to be “all-in” in order to fight.

Whatever the dream may be for your life and mine it can be obtained through spiritual battle… living in holy awe.

I’m in the midst of a project with the company I work for.  It’s called a “Kaizen Event.”  Kaizen = incremental changes for the better.  So far, our meeting has transpired over five days.  (With several more weeks to go).  After a week of this my brain is fried!  This event has really challenged my thinking about the processes that we were asked to evaluate and to bring about change. 

During my drive time home each day I have debriefed the days discussions, this process, and my own life in the light of this process.  Before going to bed each night I have been reading Erwin McManus’ book Wide Awake.  I have been in Chapter 3,  Adapt,all week long.  The focus of this chapter has been on change or as McManus writes, “reinventing yourself” by the power of the Holy Spirit.  See 2 Corinthians 5:17 and Romans 12:1-2.

What is it about change that you like or dislike? 

At work we are wanting to take something that is a good thing and make it better by walking through this process.    As I look at my own life and evaluate it - I want to bring my good life to the foot of the Cross and give it to my Lord and say, “Jesus, bring about the incremental changes in my life for the better so that I may be pleasing in your eyes.”  In this chapter McManus challenges,

If you’re not living the life of your dreams, if you wake up with that little bit of sadness in the mornings because you know you’re underachieving, living a life of mediority, and chooosing average, it’s easy to blame everyone else for your condition.  Especially when your condition is really good, but not the dream God has for you.  You’re not called to settle for the good life; you are called to a life of greatness. (Wide Awake, 67). 

What is it that you must do to bring your life from good to great?  Living the dream is to live a life of greatness.  It’s a humbling invitation given by God to be transformed by the renewing of your mind so that you can live, test, and approve what His perfect will is for your life.

Are you living the dream?

I just began reading Wide Awake by Erwin McManus.  I’m not sure where to start commenting on this book.  I can say that it is hitting a nerve in my life that needs some attention.  I’m amazed at what I have read so far… amazed at how I need to be reading it.

A friend of mine told me several weeks ago that I didn’t need to delay any longer and to take the necessary risks to go after the dream I have for life.  This is the only way I’m going to reach the potential that is locked up inside of me.  He went on to tell me that there are those who are counting on me to take the necessary steps… especially my family. 

His words to me that day got my attention.  They have continued to encourage me.  As I have begun to read this book I keep hearing the conversation I had with my friend.  McManus states in Wide Awake

Living wide awake is about realizing that the world needs you to live up to your potential.  There are others whose lives and future depend on you stepping up and living big.  The better world you keep waiting for needs you to accept your life’s calling and responsibility, and then to create it.  The future needs you to dream God-sized dreams; these are the only kind God gets involved in.  And if the future needs anything, it is God working through people.  (Erwin McManus, The Awakening, 19).

Are you living God’s dream for your life?  What is keeping you from risking to launch out after your dream?  Who is waiting for you to step up and live big?  It may be your family or it could be someone you have never met.  Whoever it may be… they are waiting for both of us to live out our dreams.

I give you my life and all that I am  – But what have I to give  – So I hand you a candid photograph of this little boy  – ’cause I have nothing to my name  – But I can give you that. (Derek Webb, “Somewhere North”).  Photo taken while I was in Seminary (1994).

I began this post several days ago in “Where’s my Mind?“  While praying that day my thoughts went back to those days while in seminary.  It was a tremendous time of growth and testing.  (I’m not just talking about all the tests I had to take either).  God allowed quite a few tests in my life outside of the classroom.

So I hand You a candid photograph of this little boy  – ’cause I have nothing to my name…

If you spend anytime around me at all, you will know I talk alot about the past… probably too much.  The past that I think about is full of dreams serving the Lord.  Those dreams aren’t gone.  But God has me living in a new day. I choose to give Him my life.  To stand firm and to not let life steal what He purposed to give.  I choose to grow where He plants. 

If you do not read Oswald Chambers devotional My Utmost for His Highest, I highly recommend making it a part of your daily life along with reading your Bible.  These are a couple of quotes from today’s devotional,

“Consider the lilies of the field . . .” (Matthew 6:28). They grow where they are planted. Many of us refuse to grow where God plants us. Therefore, we don’t take root anywhere. Jesus said if we would obey the life of God within us, He would look after all other things…

…Consecration is the act of continually separating myself from everything except that which God has appointed me to do. It is not a one-time experience but an ongoing process. Am I continually separating myself and looking to God every day of my life?. (January 26).

…But I can give you that.

It seems like for the past 5 years I have been running around in the same circle.  The circle I’ve been running now is well marked.  Kind of like the rut you find on the ground around a merry-go-round at the park.

Faith.  What does it mean to live by faith?  Do you really know what that means? That’s what I ask myself… and anyone else that may be listening.  I have these set of verses that keep coming up as I read the Bible.  It’s the same set over the past 5 years that keep surfacing.  My heart races a bit when I read them.  I remember situations in the past when I read them, prayed, waited, and acted. 

Read Mark 11:22-25 with me,

Jesus was matter-of-fact: “Embrace this God-life. Really embrace it, and nothing will be too much for you. This mountain, for instance: Just say, ‘Go jump in the lake’—no shuffling or shilly-shallying—and it’s as good as done. That’s why I urge you to pray for absolutely everything, ranging from small to large. Include everything as you embrace this God-life, and you’ll get God’s everything. And when you assume the posture of prayer, remember that it’s not all asking. If you have anything against someone, forgive—only then will your heavenly Father be inclined to also wipe your slate clean of sins.”  (The Message).

“Embrace this God-life.”  I continue to hold on.  I question, “Do I really have faith?”  Mark 9:23-24 is another set of verses that continue to come across my eyes when I read Scripture,

23Jesus said, “If? There are no ‘ifs’ among believers. Anything can happen.”

 24No sooner were the words out of his mouth than the father cried, “Then I believe. Help me with my doubts!”

There’s this cry for something from within me… something that reaches out that gives me the assurance of meaning and purpose – which leads to me knowing I’m doing what I’m supposed to be doing.  This comes so easy for some… and so difficult for me. 

I think a part of the problem for me revolves around one of the words found in the Mark 11 verses listed above.  “Forgiveness”.  If I’m going to really embrace this God-life I’ve got to let some things go… and forgive.