I give you my life and all that I am  – But what have I to give  – So I hand you a candid photograph of this little boy  – ’cause I have nothing to my name  – But I can give you that. (Derek Webb, “Somewhere North”).  Photo taken while I was in Seminary (1994).

I began this post several days ago in “Where’s my Mind?“  While praying that day my thoughts went back to those days while in seminary.  It was a tremendous time of growth and testing.  (I’m not just talking about all the tests I had to take either).  God allowed quite a few tests in my life outside of the classroom.

So I hand You a candid photograph of this little boy  – ’cause I have nothing to my name…

If you spend anytime around me at all, you will know I talk alot about the past… probably too much.  The past that I think about is full of dreams serving the Lord.  Those dreams aren’t gone.  But God has me living in a new day. I choose to give Him my life.  To stand firm and to not let life steal what He purposed to give.  I choose to grow where He plants. 

If you do not read Oswald Chambers devotional My Utmost for His Highest, I highly recommend making it a part of your daily life along with reading your Bible.  These are a couple of quotes from today’s devotional,

“Consider the lilies of the field . . .” (Matthew 6:28). They grow where they are planted. Many of us refuse to grow where God plants us. Therefore, we don’t take root anywhere. Jesus said if we would obey the life of God within us, He would look after all other things…

…Consecration is the act of continually separating myself from everything except that which God has appointed me to do. It is not a one-time experience but an ongoing process. Am I continually separating myself and looking to God every day of my life?. (January 26).

…But I can give you that.

There are a few songs I really like to listen to when I drive… especially when I am going through a contemplative season.  It’s that season again.  “Somewhere North” by Derek Webb is one of those songs. 

It’s a muggy night in Houston
And all the intersections are like full service stations
I’m on my way to a familiar place
It’s cold in Kansas City
And you can no more hear me than I can see your face
How I wish it was just you and me

We wouldn’t have to talk above the crowd
We wouldn’t have to talk so loud

Chorus
I give you my life and all I am
But what have I to give
So I hand you a candid photograph of this little boy
‘Cause I have nothing to my name
But I can give you that

I don’t miss the driving
Seems like forever
And I’m always driving in my mind
And wearing out the road that gets me there

And I’m driving till my eyes just can’t see straight
But I suppose that it’s getting late

Chorus

I may never find the sleep
I’ve lost all feeling in my hands and
Feet may touch the ground but
My mind’s somewhere north of here

I saw Derek Webb perform at Berry College with Joel and Jason last winter.  Webb was awesome!  I don’t recall if he sang this or not… I assume this song is about a relationship with a girl.  I have another take on it for my life and will write about it in Part Two.

There are times when you can’t understand why you cannot do what you want to do. When God brings a time of waiting, and appears to be unresponsive, don’t fill it with busyness, just wait. The time of waiting may come to teach you the meaning of sanctification— to be set apart from sin and made holy— or it may come after the process of sanctification has begun to teach you what service means. Never run before God gives you His direction. If you have the slightest doubt, then He is not guiding. Whenever there is doubt— wait.

At first you may see clearly what God’s will is— the severance of a friendship, the breaking off of a business relationship, or something else you feel is distinctly God’s will for you to do. But never act on the impulse of that feeling. If you do, you will cause difficult situations to arise which will take years to untangle. Wait for God’s timing and He will do it without any heartache or disappointment. When it is a question of the providential will of God, wait for God to move. (My Utmost for His Highest, January4).

We all find ourselves at places in life where we are at an intersection and we aren’t sure which way to go.  In the movie, he isn’t sure where he is going to go.  He pauses and gets out of the Jeep with his map and ponders for a moment or two.  During this moment of contemplation is when the person he was looking for drives up.  

I wonder how many times in life we come to crossroads and ignore it and just keep driving our lives right on through.  Or – how often do we get there - and recognize it… and then we get stuck there afraid to move at all.  Maybe there has been a bad decision in the past and fearful of getting burned again.  

No matter the reason or how you respond to the situation it is still a decision that must be faced and made.  How do you make the decision?  What steps do you take?  Do you get the Road Map out?  In my life, the Map has become God’s Word found in the Bible.  No, it doesn’t tell me to turn right or left and any specifics like that at all.  I can say the Holy Spirit gives insight I can’t explain.  Which is often followed by a peace I can’t explain. 

Jesus tells us in John 14:25-27,

I’m telling you these things while I’m still living with you. The Friend, the Holy Spirit whom the Father will send at my request, will make everything plain to you. He will remind you of all the things I have told you. I’m leaving you well and whole. That’s my parting gift to you. Peace. I don’t leave you the way you’re used to being left—feeling abandoned, bereft. So don’t be upset. Don’t be distraught. (The Message).

I’ve personally been at a crossroad for a long time now.  I have ventured in a couple of directions already to find that the peace and fulfillment were not in any direction I have tried thus far.  I keep going back to the Cross and asking for direction.  I am asking for wisdom… wisdom to be used for His glory and for the leadership of my family.

The Holy Spirit will teach us all things.  He will give all that we have need of.  He cares intimately about the details of our lives.  He will not leave us lonely in the dark.  Jesus instructed his disciples: 

“This is what I want you to do: Ask the Father for whatever is in keeping with the things I’ve revealed to you. Ask in my name, according to my will, and he’ll most certainly give it to you. Your joy will be a river overflowing its banks! (John 16:23-24).

One of the decisions I have made for the year to come is to follow a plan to read the Bible through in a year.  I have done this in the past and grew a lot from reading it completely during the year.  I have already begun the reading plan I am going to follow.  I want to be on track when the New Year begins and get off to a GREAT start.  I’m hoping to find in 2009 where and how God intends to use me.

I know He uses me through my job… even though I can’t directly communicate His Word… I live it.  I’m thankful for the opportunity I have to influence others in all aspects of my life.  I want to continue to do so full of the Holy Spirit and wisdom.

• To look forward to with desire and reasonable confidence.
• To believe, desire, or trust.

Hebrews 10:19-25,

So, friends, we can now—without hesitation—walk right up to God, into “the Holy Place.” Jesus has cleared the way by the blood of his sacrifice, acting as our priest before God. The “curtain” into God’s presence is his body.

So let’s do it—full of belief, confident that we’re presentable inside and out. Let’s keep a firm grip on the promises that keep us going. He always keeps his word. Let’s see how inventive we can be in encouraging love and helping out, not avoiding worshiping together as some do but spurring each other on, especially as we see the big Day approaching. (The Message).

Are you looking toward the future or is your vision on the here and now?  I’m trying to gain all I can today from yet another extremely rare moment of quiet.  It’s rather nice.  The only light in the room is from the Christmas tree.  My heart is set on the hope of things yet to come – in Jesus Christ.

I am reading Psalm 139.  Take a moment to read the chapter.  Psalm 139:1, “God, investigate my life, get all the facts firsthand.  I’m an open book to you.” (The Message). 

I’ve never been one to make a lot of goals or plans for the beginning of the “New Year.”  Why not?  I do this (it seems like) all of the time already.  So, this year I’m going to go about it a bit differently.  I am already making some plans to implement for my life beginning January 1, 2009.  But before I get into that I would like to look at Psalm 139 as it pertains to my thoughts and direction.

I have been focused on the meaning and purpose of the life of Jesus Christ…  His redeeming mankind and making a way for all mankind to have a relationship with God.  I’ve been focused on his Holy Spirit (John 16) and the reason the Holy Spirit is in our lives today…  The power, confidence, and hope He gives.

As I read Psalm 139, I’m asking God to take a deep look into my life.  To look at all of it – inside and out.  I’m asking Him to see all of the highs and lows and to search me out east to west.  I am an open book to Him.  I am one of the verses in His book that is still being written in Acts 29.

I’ve also looked ahead into My Utmost for His Highest to see what Oswald Chambers has said on this subject and Psalm 139:

The psalmist implies— “O Lord, You are the God of the early mornings, the God of the late nights, the God of the mountain peaks, and the God of the sea. But, my God, my soul has horizons further away than those of early mornings, deeper darkness than the nights of earth, higher peaks than any mountain peaks, greater depths than any sea in nature. You who are the God of all these, be my God. I cannot reach to the heights or to the depths; there are motives I cannot discover, dreams I cannot realize. My God, search me.” (January 9).

I know, “I cannot reach to the heights or to the depths; there are motives I cannot discover, dreams I cannot realize.” without God taking a deep look into my life.  Without Him searching the darkest places and shining His light.  As I look toward the coming New Year, I’m asking God to prepare my heart for the plans He has for me.  I want to live in the power of His hope and walk boldly – with confidence – into His plans.

One of my prayers for the past couple of months – as I drive in my car - has been the following.  These are the words from the first verse and chorus of “In Your Eyes” by Peter Gabriel.  I have capitalized the word You and made it personal to God and want to share it.

love, I get so lost sometimes
days pass and this emptiness fills my heart
when I want to run away
I drive off in my car
but whichever way I go
I come back to the place You are

all my instincts, they return
and the grand facade, so soon will burn
without a noise, without my pride
I reach out from the inside

in Your eyes
the light the heat
in Your eyes
I am complete
in Your eyes
I see the doorway to a thousand churches
in Your eyes
the resolution of all the fruitless searches
in Your eyes
I see the light and the heat
in Your eyes
oh, I want to be that complete
I want to touch the light
the heat I see in Your eyes

 

As I begin this look forward, I start with asking God to search my heart.  As He begins this search and reveals to me Himself – I will prepare for the year to come.  I will make the plans and take the steps necessary.  I look forward to complete fulfillment in the coming year – walking in His power for His glory.

Catalyst… It’s still bugging me!

Catalyst…        

I can either run to the Truth and embrace it… or I can run from it.  From all indications there is no running from it.  Total surrender is the only acceptable response.  God is on every street corner.  He is in the midst of every conversation since those two powerful days.  God was there before I got there.  He was waiting.  God was in the invitation for me to go.  God is here with me today.  God is.

This is not about Catalyst.

I have read several blogs from some who have attended Catalyst.  I hear their response.  I hear how God has dealt with them. But I still struggle.  I still cry.  I still sit here looking through my notes.  What is it I can’t let go of?  Why is it God will not let go of me?  (Not that I want Him to).  But He is always there – He is always here.  No matter where I go in my thoughts he is there. 

He was there December 1983.  He changed my life set me a part for Himself.  To lift Him up!  To tell His gospel story.   

I have the house to myself this morning.  I have sat here in silence.  Just sitting.  I dare not go outside and do anything as I have had bronchitis for the past week.  So, I sit… just listening to the silence.  When was the last time you sat in total silence?  Literally the only thing I can hear is the refrigerator and THAT is about to drive me nuts!  God is here. 

This is not about me…

In the silence, I have prayed for friends.  Friends who are sick.  Friends who are serving the Lord at this very moment.  Friends who are surrounded by fear.  Friends who are full of hope and encouragement.  Friends who God is reaching through me.  God has been doing some things I didn’t even know about until day before yesterday…. WOW!  But today – I’ve just sat here.  And so has God.  It took me a bit to notice He was here.  Oh - I was listening for Him but I had some things to deal with in this silence.  In this moment He is here.  He is there with you too.  It could be today or It could be tomorrow but He is there.  Kind of freaky – I know.  But it’s His love.

Is it noisy where you sit? 

Although I have been sitting here in this silence my mind has been filled with the noise that distracts me so much.  Now that I am here… now that He is here… I just want to stay here in this silence.  I have found a bit of peace.  The noise is gone (even the motor of the refrigerator is silent).

It’s all about God… His Son – Jesus…

Have you told anyone lately?  Is the Holy Spirit working through you today?  Or is there too much noise?  You know He will work through you even through all of the noise… don’t let the noise trick you to think otherwise.  Your life is His… let Him use you today… there’s another life waiting for the Truth.  They are looking for it.  They are on the street corner.  They are in the grocery store checkout line.  They are at your work.  They may even be in your church.  They are where you are.  Be abandoned to Him.  Run… go and tell what He has done for you.  Don’t let the moment pass you by.  It’s not about Catalyst… it’s not about me… It’s all about Jesus.  It’s about setting the captive free. 

The world is looking for a revelation
We’re always under their investigation
They look at us to hear we got to say
They can’t see Jesus when we stand in the way
They don’t need no more elevated speeches
We’re keeping Jesus just beyond their reaches
Can’t see the forest for all of the trees
They won’t see Jesus till we fall on our knees

(From, “Lift Him Up”, Petra – Bob Hartman, 1983).

Silence Broken

Kara just broke the silence with a very strange txt message:  “John McCain is at the Cartersville Airport until 1PM” I had to turn on FOX News and break the silence to find out for sure.  It was a scheme of the devil… to get me out into the cool breezy weather.   John McCain is in Albuquerque today!!  Which is ironic  – as I would love to be living in Albuquerque once again!!  Thanks for the diversion Kara.

I was OK.  I think I was stunned after that first message.  Andy Stanley talked about 3 specific things and how they relate to doing ministry.  They are:  Forgiveness, Family, and Finances.  God really got my attention right off the bat.

Just moments prior to Stanley’s talk I had a conversation about forgivenss.  Then to hear Stanley talk about it I was dumb-founded.  I was in shock… it was as if he had just read my mail… like he had been listening in on my conversation… this was such a God moment for me.  Literally I thought I was the only one in the room.  The element of Finances was the other key point to this power-packed threesome of points. As a family, we have made some decisions on this as well.

The mess was cleaned up with each message I heard afterward. Now that I am home I am trying to figure out what the purpose of all this was.  I think I know.  I am still praying through it.  I want to do what thus says the LORD.  I am making sure I’m not chasing after something Roye wants to do.

So I am back to making another decision.  I know Joel would have you think the decision still centers on whether I should wear Boxers or Briefs.  (If you need more info on this click here… then read the comments).

It’s kind of an exciting moment… not the choice of boxer or briefs.  That decision has been already made.

So, while we are on the subject I think I will try out this new feature here on wordpress…

First, these are most of the people we had the pleasure of learning from today:  Tim Sanders, Jeff Foxworthy, Franklin Graham, Dave Ramsey, Matt Chandler, and Andy Stanley… There were others who spoke or shared I don’t have my workbook in front of me right now.  The icing on the cake was the experience of a lifetime in worshipping the Creator of all things and the King of kings.

I stood there on several occasions during worship and just looked around at the 12,000 people attending this conference on Leadership.  The noise that 12,000 people can make is amazing.  I leaned over to Brad at one moment while everyone was clapping and said something similar to this, “Listen to all of the clapping.  It’s kind of strange to hear how we humans have found a way to express our approval and gratitude to others.  We are no different from other animals in this regard.”  We want to express to people and to God in a manner that shows our approval of them and one way we do so is by clapping.  I paid attention a lot today to how people responded to what they were hearing. 

One of the greatest rounds of applause came for a Staff Sergent from the Army on a 15 day leave who was at Catalyst.  WOW!  He spent 2 of his 15 day leave at this conference… He left the war in Iraq and got his spiritual and leadership batteries charged.  It was an amazing moment to witness his introduction.

There is so much to say as to what I gained from this 2 day conference.  If you have never been to Catalyst I highly suggest going… Catalyst 2008 is by far the BEST conference I have ever been to!  For those of you on the West Coast, Catalyst is coming your way in April 2009!!  Catalyst will be in Orange County, CA. 

Seth Godin gave us his latest book, Tribes.  I have begun reading it tonight and haven’t been able to put it down.  I know I will finish it this weekend.  I have already gotten several ideas on how to implement his ideas in this book to my own “tribe” at work.  I look forward to being stretched this way… my title may be “Area Manager” but my function is to be a leader of those who make up my tribe.  As I apply some of the thoughts I have jotted down tonight as to steps I will begin taking I hope to write on how my team of employees respond. 

The short story about today’s sessions is this:  Missions was a large thrust of today’s topics.  I was challenged to preach the Word, reach people with the preached Word and not to be ashamed of the Gospel of Christ.  The goal of proclaiming Christ is Christ.  Nothing less.  For it to be less would be to lead people to think “you” (or I) did a great job in the presentation.  Doing a great job in presenting the Gospel should never be the goal.  Preach the Word and watch God do the work!

There was so much more that was communicated today that will apply to so many areas of my life.  I look forward to sharing this in the days ahead. 

I am so very thankful for the opportunity to go to this Catalyst.  I words can’t express my thanksgiving.  Thank you!

One more thought about both days.  God orchestrated so much for me over these two days.  From conversations with new and old friends, each of the sessions, the worship, the quiet moments by myself journaling, and the many tears that were shed…  I know everything I experienced was planned by God.  I am so looking forward to unwrapping all of this…

I have been writing in my journal about purpose and God’s plan. How God chooses people to serve Him… and the purposes of that service.

So often I will get into this place where the voice I hear is saying, “You are disqualified.” Then I try to fight off the voice be telling myself to remember King David… nothing he did disqualified him from being God’s man.

I get so strongly frustrated with life way too much. I find it hard not to allow this frustration to rule everything around me and in me.

You have had the vision, but you are not yet to the reality of it by any means. It is when we are in the valley, where we prove whether we will be the choice ones, that most of us turn back. We are not quite prepared for the bumps and bruises that must come if we are going to be turned into the shape of the vision. We have seen what we are not, and what God wants us to be, but are we willing to be battered into the shape of the vision to be used by God? The beatings will always come in the most common, everyday ways and through common, everyday people. (My Utmost for His Highest, October 4).

So as an individual I have a choice to make. Will I give Jesus the throne of my heart? Or will I give my frustrated thoughts of disqualification the throne? Do I continue to give the grumblings of my heart the throne? It’s all just jealousy and anger… I don’t see this person or that person go through what I go through… I ask God, “Why am I singled out to walk this path?” “Do I have the power to make things different?” “Did I miss something along the way only to end up in this place?” “Is that why this brother or that one hasn’t walked my road?” (I pray they never do!) “Have I missed something along the way?” “Have I lacked wisdom?” “Do I control my own destiny or has God led me down this path?”

Oswald Chambers goes on to say, “There are times when we do know what God’s purpose is; whether we will let the vision be turned into actual character depends on us not on God.” (My Utmost for His Highest, October 4).

I am weaving my thoughts out here and turn the electronic pages over to Brad’s blog, “Do I offend you?” The loneliest place of all would be John the Baptist sitting in a prison cell asking my questions. Now I hear Jesus ask me, “Do I offend you?”

Sure something needs to be done with the economy… but is it really the governments job?  Afterall, it is the government that got us here.  We can look back to Jimmy Carter’s four years that got the ball rolling on this mortgage mess.  It’s unfortunate that no one stood up and said ”No” back then… or since then.

Is the President of the United States really expected to be the CEO of our nation?  Is that the role of the Presidency?  If so, then why don’t we drop this democratic – republic label we so proudly use and call ourselves a socialist nation!

Our forefathers never intended for Congress and the Senate to be a career.  But that’s what it has become.  How about term limits?!  Afraid you can’t get a real job?  I think we need to take another look at the “Contract with America”.

Below are the Patriots that voted – NO!

In the list below those Democrats in roman, Republicans in italic, independents underlined.

—- NAYS    171 —

Source:  Office of the Clerk  House of Representatives