Catalyst… It’s still bugging me!

Catalyst…        

I can either run to the Truth and embrace it… or I can run from it.  From all indications there is no running from it.  Total surrender is the only acceptable response.  God is on every street corner.  He is in the midst of every conversation since those two powerful days.  God was there before I got there.  He was waiting.  God was in the invitation for me to go.  God is here with me today.  God is.

This is not about Catalyst.

I have read several blogs from some who have attended Catalyst.  I hear their response.  I hear how God has dealt with them. But I still struggle.  I still cry.  I still sit here looking through my notes.  What is it I can’t let go of?  Why is it God will not let go of me?  (Not that I want Him to).  But He is always there – He is always here.  No matter where I go in my thoughts he is there. 

He was there December 1983.  He changed my life set me a part for Himself.  To lift Him up!  To tell His gospel story.   

I have the house to myself this morning.  I have sat here in silence.  Just sitting.  I dare not go outside and do anything as I have had bronchitis for the past week.  So, I sit… just listening to the silence.  When was the last time you sat in total silence?  Literally the only thing I can hear is the refrigerator and THAT is about to drive me nuts!  God is here. 

This is not about me…

In the silence, I have prayed for friends.  Friends who are sick.  Friends who are serving the Lord at this very moment.  Friends who are surrounded by fear.  Friends who are full of hope and encouragement.  Friends who God is reaching through me.  God has been doing some things I didn’t even know about until day before yesterday…. WOW!  But today – I’ve just sat here.  And so has God.  It took me a bit to notice He was here.  Oh - I was listening for Him but I had some things to deal with in this silence.  In this moment He is here.  He is there with you too.  It could be today or It could be tomorrow but He is there.  Kind of freaky – I know.  But it’s His love.

Is it noisy where you sit? 

Although I have been sitting here in this silence my mind has been filled with the noise that distracts me so much.  Now that I am here… now that He is here… I just want to stay here in this silence.  I have found a bit of peace.  The noise is gone (even the motor of the refrigerator is silent).

It’s all about God… His Son – Jesus…

Have you told anyone lately?  Is the Holy Spirit working through you today?  Or is there too much noise?  You know He will work through you even through all of the noise… don’t let the noise trick you to think otherwise.  Your life is His… let Him use you today… there’s another life waiting for the Truth.  They are looking for it.  They are on the street corner.  They are in the grocery store checkout line.  They are at your work.  They may even be in your church.  They are where you are.  Be abandoned to Him.  Run… go and tell what He has done for you.  Don’t let the moment pass you by.  It’s not about Catalyst… it’s not about me… It’s all about Jesus.  It’s about setting the captive free. 

The world is looking for a revelation
We’re always under their investigation
They look at us to hear we got to say
They can’t see Jesus when we stand in the way
They don’t need no more elevated speeches
We’re keeping Jesus just beyond their reaches
Can’t see the forest for all of the trees
They won’t see Jesus till we fall on our knees

(From, “Lift Him Up”, Petra – Bob Hartman, 1983).

Silence Broken

Kara just broke the silence with a very strange txt message:  “John McCain is at the Cartersville Airport until 1PM” I had to turn on FOX News and break the silence to find out for sure.  It was a scheme of the devil… to get me out into the cool breezy weather.   John McCain is in Albuquerque today!!  Which is ironic  – as I would love to be living in Albuquerque once again!!  Thanks for the diversion Kara.

I was OK.  I think I was stunned after that first message.  Andy Stanley talked about 3 specific things and how they relate to doing ministry.  They are:  Forgiveness, Family, and Finances.  God really got my attention right off the bat.

Just moments prior to Stanley’s talk I had a conversation about forgivenss.  Then to hear Stanley talk about it I was dumb-founded.  I was in shock… it was as if he had just read my mail… like he had been listening in on my conversation… this was such a God moment for me.  Literally I thought I was the only one in the room.  The element of Finances was the other key point to this power-packed threesome of points. As a family, we have made some decisions on this as well.

The mess was cleaned up with each message I heard afterward. Now that I am home I am trying to figure out what the purpose of all this was.  I think I know.  I am still praying through it.  I want to do what thus says the LORD.  I am making sure I’m not chasing after something Roye wants to do.

So I am back to making another decision.  I know Joel would have you think the decision still centers on whether I should wear Boxers or Briefs.  (If you need more info on this click here… then read the comments).

It’s kind of an exciting moment… not the choice of boxer or briefs.  That decision has been already made.

So, while we are on the subject I think I will try out this new feature here on wordpress…

It was 1997 and I was in LaPlata Canyon, Colorado.  LaPlata Canyon is just west of Durango.  I had just begun mountain biking a year before.  This was my first trek up a real mountain.  It was a beautiful Saturday morning in June.  We started off at about 8,100 ft in elevation and worked our way up above the tree line at around 10,000 ft. or so.  I will never forget that moment when we were finally riding on what seemed to be solid rock above the tree line.  I could finally see the point I was headed for… then it happened.

What happened scared me pretty good.  Over one side of the mountain came a great storm that brought  sleet or hail… wind, lightning, and very cold temperatures.  I was not prepared for the drastic change in weather.  We jumped into an entrance to an old mine for cover.

As quickly as the storm came we saw blue sky once again.  There we were having worked so hard and to get so close to the goal.  As we debated what we should do - the next set of clouds, wind, icy substance falling from the sky, and much colder temperatures began to surround us…

We decided to head back down the mountain – as fast as possible!  I have never had so much fun… and to be as scared as I was at the same time.  The ground was now looking wintry and we could smell the lightning.  The sound of the thunder was so loud.  I’m not sure which was worse the sound or how the rumble felt as we darted down the mountain.

I never tried to go back up to the top again.  But I didn’t quit riding.  In fact, it made me want to ride all the more.  Unfortunately, once I moved back to Georgia I quit riding.  I really want to start back.  I think about it every day.  As for now, my Cannondale mountain bike is sitting in the house. 

This memory I have is one of my favorite memories to talk about.  It’s strange that I love to talk about it yet it is something that I didn’t get to complete.  It’s like a mirror image of my life to a large extent.  It’s another chapter started – yet not completed.

I’m ready to begin a chapter that is actually written with an ending.  It’s like my life is this book with all of these chapters that have been written – the problem is that there are not any endings to any of the chapters.  So the reader starts the next chapter and has to wonder what in the world happened in between chapters 3 and 4.  “How did he get here?” the reader would ask.

Why is life so hard?  Why is life so stinking challenging?  For me, it’s like I never get a break.  There’s no time to take it easy.  My life seems like it is made up of storms that I am constantly trying to run from.  And as soon as I think I’m seeing blue sky’s another storm sets in.  I know there is a reason behind it all – there really is a purpose behind it.  I’m not beaten up and torn down over it.  In fact, right now I am very hopeful with what the future holds. 

As I look back on that couple of years of living there - I really think I was living on the mountain top – yet there is some unfinished business from those days.  I was reading Oswald Chambers today and the following quote from My Utmost for His Highest got me thinking about this story… it got me thinking a bit deeper about my life.

We are inclined to think that everything that happens is to be turned into useful teaching. In actual fact, it is to be turned into something even better than teaching, namely, character. The mountaintop is not meant to teach us anything, it is meant to make us something. There is a terrible trap in always asking, “What’s the use of this experience?” We can never measure spiritual matters in that way. The moments on the mountaintop are rare moments, and they are meant for something in God’s purpose.

Photo from summitpost.org.

… the only baggage that you can bring. It’s all you can’t leave behind. (U2, “Walk On” Bono).

I love the opening to the song “Walk On” by U2.  I was listening to it today while burning up some of that cheap fuel I bought last Saturday!!  The words just captivate my heart… it’s a captivity that leads to freedom. 

Think about it:  Love is not easy… yet Paul says it’s the greatest of all gifts. (1 Corinthians 13).  I guess in the context of this verse love is the ONLY baggage you can bring… when a believer in Christ dies the only baggage allowed is love.  Love is the only thing you can’t leave behind.

I realize this song is dedicated to Aung San Suu Kyi.  She is a political prisoner in Myanmar.  As for her faith, she is a Buddhist.  She has been a political prisoner under house arrest because of her fight… dream… of democracy for her country. 

Because of this song I pray for her and people like her.  People who are held captive for what they believe.  It’s people like her who have a quality inside them that bars, prison, and persecution can’t hold. 

That quality is LOVE.  The truest form of this love is a gift given by Jehovah -  The Lord God Almighty.  This love was lived out and expressed in it’s deepest form in a man named Jesus Christ.  The man who came to bring freedom to all men and women who would believe in him.

For God so loved the world – how beautiful are those six words.  I sit here so late at night thinking almost imagining this love – in a way I’ve never known before.  This kind of love gives and gives and gives.  Seventy times seven this love gives… love is not the easy thing / the only baggage you can bring / It’s all you can’t leave behind.

You see – I have this thing.  If you keep up with things here at focus, you will know something of this thing.  I desire peace… not just some mamby pamby passive peace… I’m talking a strong victorious kind of peace.  Peace must be found.  I must not allow the love of God who fills me be tarnished by all of the opposing feelings, thoughts, and attitudes that try to win me over.  I know it’s not the easy thing.   And the fight must be waged on a spiritual level. 

Jesus said, “Take up your cross and follow me.”  Love is not the easy thing.

I know I have posted this song recently.  I hope you will take a moment if you haven’t already to think about the lyrics here.  They are posted below the video…. if you don’t want to watch the video and just listen and read them… think… pray… whatever God leads.  For me they are inspiring and I hope they are for you too.

And love is not the easy thing
The only baggage that you can bring…
And love is not the easy thing…
The only baggage you can bring
Is all that you can’t leave behind

And if the darkness is to keep us apart
And if the daylight feels like it’s a long way off
And if your glass heart should crack
And for a second you turn back
Oh no, be strong

Walk on, walk on
What you got they can’t steal it
No they can’t even feel it
Walk on, walk on…
Stay safe tonight

You’re packing a suitcase for a place none of us has been
A place that has to be believed to be seen
You could have flown away
A singing bird in an open cage
Who will only fly, only fly for freedom

Walk on, walk on
What you’ve got they can’t deny it
Can’t sell it, or buy it
Walk on, walk on
Stay safe tonight

And I know it aches
And your heart it breaks
And you can only take so much
Walk on, walk on

Home… hard to know what it is if you’ve never had one
Home… I can’t say where it is but I know I’m going home
That’s where the hurt is

I know it aches
How your heart it breaks
And you can only take so much
Walk on, walk on

Leave it behind
You got to leave it behind
All that you fashion
All that you make
All that you build
All that you break
All that you measure
All that you feel
All this you can leave behind
All that you reason
All that you sense
All that you speak
All you dress-up
All that you scheme…

Ever tried to lay down a burden?  Have you ever tried to let something go that was totally tormenting your every thought? 

Monday night this week I went to bed relatively early (before Greta van Susteran was done talking about Tood Palin).  But I was up at 12:55 AM not to return to sleep until 4:30 AM.  During the time I was awake I was trying to pray through this thing… I was trying to lay down my burden.  I finally fell asleep still holding onto a burden I wanted to let go of.

So, what does one do? 

How do you let go of something that you really want to let go of?

I don’t have any answers here.

But an hour or so later I woke up again.  The following is what was running through my mind… through my heart… and has stayed present on my mind the past two days.  These are the words of Darrin McWatters from everybodyduck.  The song:  “Consuming Fear”.

A river is victoriously persistent, overcoming all barriers. For a while it goes steadily on its course, but then comes to an obstacle. And for a while it is blocked, yet it soon makes a pathway around the obstacle. Or a river will drop out of sight for miles, only later to emerge again even broader and greater than ever.

I must not give up. The drive to succeed must be greater than a superficial writing on the internet or a jot in my journal. I must board the raft and let the River flow within me. Allow the River to overflow the banks and spill out onto anyone in need.

The past is a great memory and testimony to God’s work in my life. I’m thankful for my experiences. I never want to get hung up on things in my past (positive and negative) to the point where I neglect the present and the future.  I always want God to have the freedom to move in me however He may wish in the days and years ahead.

Even though it seems like my life has dropped out of sight, my prayer is that once I emerge again I will be broader, greater, and deeper than ever. As a result, I know I will reap great benefits. But if the result is great benefits to be used up on me… then the river will dry up. I must allow others to drink from the river of life that flows through me. I must enjoy others standing upon the rocks in my life so they too may find comfort and strength that will last a life time.

I look around and see dear friends (coast to coast) give their lives to the Source. It’s so easy to see them flow with the River. It’s beautiful to watch and I celebrate in their victory. I’ve seen the Source move obstacles out of the way. For some, the obstacles now are nothing more than a rock sticking up out of the water. A memorial of celebration to the victory won. A rock for others to stand on and to admire the River as it flows by effortlessly.

Do you see God using the lives of others, but an obstacle has come into your life and you do not seem to be of any use to God? Then keep paying attention to the Source, and God will either take you around the obstacle or remove it. The river of the Spirit of God overcomes all obstacles. Never focus your eyes on the obstacle or the difficulty. The obstacle will be a matter of total indifference to the river that will flow steadily through you if you will simply remember to stay focused on the Source.  (Oswald Chambers, My Utmost for His Highest, September 6).

I know there is a purpose for what I experience. I have opportunities up ahead in my life I have not seen yet. I must look at my fear and say, “No more!” I must get into the rhythm of the Source. Pick up my oars and let the current take me.

There are others who will be able to stand upon the rocks in my life and find comfort. It is a comfort that can only come from the Source.

On Saturday, my family went on a picnic to a nearby park. While sitting there I looked at the creek as it flowed by. I was reminded of what I read just a few hours before.

As I sat there, I began to wonder about the source of this creek. Where does it start? What does the creek have to go through to get to where I am? I continued to look at all the rocks that sit in the creek and how the water pushes around each one. The source is strong… The source is strong enough to press on by each obstacle.

I’ve seen this same creek during a time of heavy rain. It floods tremendously. I can recall the many times I’ve seen the water outside of the banks. It’s as if the source is pouring out so much water that the banks can’t contain it all. It’s as if the obstacles are not even there.

God is much the same way. When we surrender our lives to Him as the Source – the Holy Spirit’s power to overflow is strong. All obstacles no longer matter.

A river is victoriously persistent, overcoming all barriers. For a while it goes steadily on its course, but then comes to an obstacle. And for awhile it is blocked, yet it soon makes a pathway around the obstacle. Or a river will drop out of sight for miles, only later to emerge again even broader and greater than ever. (Oswald Chambers, My Utmost for His Highest, September 6).

I can fight the Source or I can surrender to Him. Through surrender He will flow naturally without a burden. All obstacles in my life will not be burdensome to the strength of the flow.

Sometimes I feel like I’m fighting the current as I walk through life.

I can recall white water rafting some years ago. There were times our guide told us to lift up the oars and let the water do the work. For me it was a scary moment to watch our raft head into the turbulent water. But the guide was right… the water did the work and we got through the rough waters in total surrender.

It was a scary moment as I looked at what was up ahead. Had I been on the bank and seen what was there I would not have jumped in to go with the current. In this case, I got in the raft way up the river. I was in the midst of the flow and there was no getting out. I had to go with it. I didn’t like the feeling of fear I had as we approached the rapids. But the exhilarating feeling that came once we were through them was fantastic.

Today, I have fear. I have gotten out of the raft… out of the water. I’m on the shore watching the water rush by. I have fear of getting back in. I recall the hurt and pain of being in the water… the fear I never overcame. I know I belong in the water. My Pastor has personally encouraged me countless times. He even told me (as he did everyone there) through his message on Sunday, “I believe in you!” Yet, I hold onto this fear while standing on the bank of the river.

When you close your eyes and pray, who do you see?  Do you see faces of people he draws your mind to?  My heart is drawn to the men and women serving our country.  I know what I think this means.  I’ve got a few things yet to see Him move. 

I had a moment yesterday much like the moment I had this past Saturday while at a get together.  I sort of just wandered away from the moment to pray.  As I prayed, my mind saw those serving our country overseas.  As I stared at an empty ballfield yesterday and a swimming pool with children playing Saturday – I wondered as to what they (the soldiers) were looking at.  I’m overtaken with this love for them. 

My thoughts have been on those who have gone – and been wounded in battle.  There are hospitals with those who have been wounded in combat in need of God’s love for healing: physically, spiritually and emotionally.  There are others who’ve never seen the hospital – yet they are wounded in heart… emotion… and mind.  There is a great need here. I can’t even begin to imagine.  John 15:13 comes to mind:

Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends.

Keith Green challenged so many people to, “Go!”  I recall before attending Lee College stopping by what used to be the Shell gasoline station on Tennessee Street to see my good friend Darrell.  He handed me a pamphlet he had been reading, “Why YOU should go to the mission field“.  This was Keith Green’s final message.  If you have never read it I encourage you to take a few moments to click on the link and read it.

One of the quotes from Keith’s message was, “this generation of Christians is responsible for this generation of sinners.”  This struck me back in the mid 80′s and it does the same now at 1:38 AM in 2008.  We have become comfortable in our Nation.  Too comfortable in our churches and our perfect little lives. 

Isaiah was given a gift as a man to look into heaven and see the Lord seated on the throne.  He was given the incredible pleasure to listen in.  This is what he heard,

Holy, holy, holy is the Lord Almighty; the whole earth is full of his glory.  Isaiah 6:3.

Isaiah immediately confesses his sin and was forgiven. 

Then I heard the voice of the Lord saying, “Whom shall I send? And who will go for us?”
      And I said, “Here am I. Send me!”  Isaiah 6:8

We are all called to GO!  For some it is across the street or across town… for others it is across the world.  When you hear the Lord say, “Whom shall I send?”  Don’t delay.  Be like Isaiah in your response.