Category Archives: Trials and Testing

I give you my life…

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I give you my life and all that I am  – But what have I to give  – So I hand you a candid photograph of this little boy  – ’cause I have nothing to my name  – But I can give you that. (Derek Webb, “Somewhere North”).  Photo taken while I was in Seminary (1994).

I began this post several days ago in “Where’s my Mind?“  While praying that day my thoughts went back to those days while in seminary.  It was a tremendous time of growth and testing.  (I’m not just talking about all the tests I had to take either).  God allowed quite a few tests in my life outside of the classroom.

So I hand You a candid photograph of this little boy  – ’cause I have nothing to my name…

If you spend anytime around me at all, you will know I talk alot about the past… probably too much.  The past that I think about is full of dreams serving the Lord.  Those dreams aren’t gone.  But God has me living in a new day. I choose to give Him my life.  To stand firm and to not let life steal what He purposed to give.  I choose to grow where He plants. 

If you do not read Oswald Chambers devotional My Utmost for His Highest, I highly recommend making it a part of your daily life along with reading your Bible.  These are a couple of quotes from today’s devotional,

“Consider the lilies of the field . . .” (Matthew 6:28). They grow where they are planted. Many of us refuse to grow where God plants us. Therefore, we don’t take root anywhere. Jesus said if we would obey the life of God within us, He would look after all other things…

…Consecration is the act of continually separating myself from everything except that which God has appointed me to do. It is not a one-time experience but an ongoing process. Am I continually separating myself and looking to God every day of my life?. (January 26).

…But I can give you that.

Get to know God

I came across this passage this last year.  Lori  saw that I underlined it in my Bible while she was reading tonight and brought it back to my attention.

“If you’ll hold on to me for dear life,” says God,
      ”I’ll get you out of any trouble.
   I’ll give you the best of care
      if you’ll only get to know and trust me.
   Call me and I’ll answer, be at your side in bad times;
      I’ll rescue you, then throw you a party.
   I’ll give you a long life,
      give you a long drink of salvation!”  (Psalm 91:14-16, The Message).

I know several people who are really hurting right now for various reasons.  My prayer tonight for each is that they will hold onto God for dear life – get to know Him and trust Him.  We each have a God shaped void in our lives that can only be filled by God.  We have to call upon Him and quit trying to fill it with other things.

Reaching out to someone I don’t know

Intercessory prayer is a wonderful way to serve others.  Have you ever spent time praying for another person without them knowing about it?  If you have then you know the joy that is associated with the time spent praying for them.  You know of the burden that is carried for someone else… the heavy heart.  You also know how much you begin to think about that person throughout the day.  The care and concern for the other person grows… and you wait on God to be who you believe Him to be in that persons life.

If you do not know what it is like to pray for someone else… commit to praying for someone else… there are circumstances that surface everyday that call us all to our knees – you can touch the world through prayer.

Your part in intercessory prayer is not to agonize over how to intercede, but to use the everyday circumstances and people God puts around you by His providence to bring them before His throne, and to allow the Spirit in you the opportunity to intercede for them. In this way God is going to touch the whole world with His saints. (Oswald Chambers, My Utmost for His Highest, November 7).

We are living in desperate times.  It seems like finances are a struggle for almost everyone I know.  While driving to work yesterday I saw a tow truck snatching a car from one of the schools I pass.  I know what the tow truck was doing… it was the probably the second re-po of the morning all before 7:40 in the morning. There was already another car up on the flat-bed.

I wonder how that teacher felt last night?  I don’t even know who the car belonged to but I hurt for them.  They are even on my mind this morning.  I pass by a business everyday also… that’s their business – repossessing cars, trucks, and right now there is even a boat in the yard.  The yard is full of vehicles! This is not a time to point a finger… to put people down for their mistakes… but rather a time for all of us to get things right.  I think we are all under a microscope of sorts right now – at least that’s how I feel.  And now is the time to repent of the sins and to walk the path God would have us to walk.

I pray for the person who owns that maroon car.  I pray God helps them in this situation.  I pray for grace and mercy for this person.  I ask God to give them a miracle.

Your intercessions can never be mine, and my intercessions can never be yours, “. . . but the Spirit Himself makes intercession” in each of our lives ( Romans 8:26 ). And without that intercession, the lives of others would be left in poverty and in ruin.  (Oswald Chambers, My Utmost for His Highest, November 7).

Life: There’s a lot of fear out here…

Yep, everywhere I turn out here in this land called life I run into this thing called fear.  Fear seems to be gripping this nation, this state, the town, and me these days. 

When I think of fear one of the first things I recall is the show, “The Little Rascals”.  I can recall so many times them somewhere in the dark and something happens that frightens them. 

What happens when one gets fearful?  FREEZE!  I think that’s the reaction for me. 

I stop and ask God to help me deal with the fear… give it to Him.  I stop and look around and listen closely for Him.  Unfortunately, there are times the fear is so strong when I stop to look and listen all I can hear is my own racing heart.

So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand. (Isaiah 41:10, NIV).

I have kept this verse on my blog for a couple of months now.  I keep it there as a reminder to look to God in all of my circumstances.  To remind myself not to cave in to this spirit of fear that is getting a grip on this nation.  It’s a reminder that my strength comes from God and He will uphold me when times are tough. 

It’s a reminder to me that there are many people out here living in fear.  It’s partly my job and partly yours to lead people to hope and trust in the One who gives strength to all  who ask.

Photo found Life at the Quinn Home.  Great worship music here too.

Who sits on the throne of your heart?

Does Jesus rule your thoughts, actions, and attitudes? Or does something or someone else take control?

I have been writing in my journal about purpose and God’s plan. How God chooses people to serve Him… and the purposes of that service.

So often I will get into this place where the voice I hear is saying, “You are disqualified.” Then I try to fight off the voice be telling myself to remember King David… nothing he did disqualified him from being God’s man.

I get so strongly frustrated with life way too much. I find it hard not to allow this frustration to rule everything around me and in me.

You have had the vision, but you are not yet to the reality of it by any means. It is when we are in the valley, where we prove whether we will be the choice ones, that most of us turn back. We are not quite prepared for the bumps and bruises that must come if we are going to be turned into the shape of the vision. We have seen what we are not, and what God wants us to be, but are we willing to be battered into the shape of the vision to be used by God? The beatings will always come in the most common, everyday ways and through common, everyday people. (My Utmost for His Highest, October 4).

So as an individual I have a choice to make. Will I give Jesus the throne of my heart? Or will I give my frustrated thoughts of disqualification the throne? Do I continue to give the grumblings of my heart the throne? It’s all just jealousy and anger… I don’t see this person or that person go through what I go through… I ask God, “Why am I singled out to walk this path?” “Do I have the power to make things different?” “Did I miss something along the way only to end up in this place?” “Is that why this brother or that one hasn’t walked my road?” (I pray they never do!) “Have I missed something along the way?” “Have I lacked wisdom?” “Do I control my own destiny or has God led me down this path?”

Oswald Chambers goes on to say, “There are times when we do know what God’s purpose is; whether we will let the vision be turned into actual character depends on us not on God.” (My Utmost for His Highest, October 4).

I am weaving my thoughts out here and turn the electronic pages over to Brad’s blog, “Do I offend you?” The loneliest place of all would be John the Baptist sitting in a prison cell asking my questions. Now I hear Jesus ask me, “Do I offend you?”

Mountain Biking to the Mountain Top

One of the greatest experiences in my life was also one of my scariest.

It was 1997 and I was in LaPlata Canyon, Colorado.  LaPlata Canyon is just west of Durango.  I had just begun mountain biking a year before.  This was my first trek up a real mountain.  It was a beautiful Saturday morning in June.  We started off at about 8,100 ft in elevation and worked our way up above the tree line at around 10,000 ft. or so.  I will never forget that moment when we were finally riding on what seemed to be solid rock above the tree line.  I could finally see the point I was headed for… then it happened.

What happened scared me pretty good.  Over one side of the mountain came a great storm that brought  sleet or hail… wind, lightning, and very cold temperatures.  I was not prepared for the drastic change in weather.  We jumped into an entrance to an old mine for cover.

As quickly as the storm came we saw blue sky once again.  There we were having worked so hard and to get so close to the goal.  As we debated what we should do - the next set of clouds, wind, icy substance falling from the sky, and much colder temperatures began to surround us…

We decided to head back down the mountain – as fast as possible!  I have never had so much fun… and to be as scared as I was at the same time.  The ground was now looking wintry and we could smell the lightning.  The sound of the thunder was so loud.  I’m not sure which was worse the sound or how the rumble felt as we darted down the mountain.

I never tried to go back up to the top again.  But I didn’t quit riding.  In fact, it made me want to ride all the more.  Unfortunately, once I moved back to Georgia I quit riding.  I really want to start back.  I think about it every day.  As for now, my Cannondale mountain bike is sitting in the house. 

This memory I have is one of my favorite memories to talk about.  It’s strange that I love to talk about it yet it is something that I didn’t get to complete.  It’s like a mirror image of my life to a large extent.  It’s another chapter started – yet not completed.

I’m ready to begin a chapter that is actually written with an ending.  It’s like my life is this book with all of these chapters that have been written – the problem is that there are not any endings to any of the chapters.  So the reader starts the next chapter and has to wonder what in the world happened in between chapters 3 and 4.  “How did he get here?” the reader would ask.

Why is life so hard?  Why is life so stinking challenging?  For me, it’s like I never get a break.  There’s no time to take it easy.  My life seems like it is made up of storms that I am constantly trying to run from.  And as soon as I think I’m seeing blue sky’s another storm sets in.  I know there is a reason behind it all – there really is a purpose behind it.  I’m not beaten up and torn down over it.  In fact, right now I am very hopeful with what the future holds. 

As I look back on that couple of years of living there - I really think I was living on the mountain top – yet there is some unfinished business from those days.  I was reading Oswald Chambers today and the following quote from My Utmost for His Highest got me thinking about this story… it got me thinking a bit deeper about my life.

We are inclined to think that everything that happens is to be turned into useful teaching. In actual fact, it is to be turned into something even better than teaching, namely, character. The mountaintop is not meant to teach us anything, it is meant to make us something. There is a terrible trap in always asking, “What’s the use of this experience?” We can never measure spiritual matters in that way. The moments on the mountaintop are rare moments, and they are meant for something in God’s purpose.

Photo from summitpost.org.

Let Go Let God

Last night we watched Facing the Giants.  Tonya told us we needed to watch it.  Early in the movie I sent her a txt, “So, you think I’m a loser.”  (I was just kidding).  This was an extremely inspiring movie.  Scene after scene I just laughed because I could see so much of my life in it.  Why did I laugh?  I guess I’m warped.  I did shed a tear or two as well.

About two weeks ago we had someone in our church portray the life of David… specifically the portion of David’s life when he faced Goliath.  I sat there that morning and I thought about the giants in my life.  I thought it’s time to stand up and face them. 

The movie last night reinforced the thought that it’s time to stand up to the giant.

While reading, praying, and journaling this morning the phrase came to mind, “Let go let God.”  I wrote it down in my journal and began to think about what that really means.

I read Isaiah 56 and 1 Peter 1.  My thoughts are about faith, hope, and trust.

A song came to mind by David and the Giants.  I couldn’t find the one I was looking for on YouTube but I did find the song “Let Go Let God” by David and the Giants. 

I’ve got a lot to say…

…and God is unlocking it all. 

Alright… here I am.  Computer keyboard in hand and ready to type.  I have a world of things racing through my mind at this moment.  The Holy Spirit is working double time on me.  (Maybe I’m just being honest with what He has been telling me for over 20 years – for the first time). 

It’s like I’m a book with a bunch of unfinished chapters in the middle of two bookends (Brad and James).  Thanks guys for the love and encouragement.

 

To reinforce matters Oswald Chambers hit me upside the head today too.

Our Lord’s making of a disciple is supernatural. He does not build on any natural capacity of ours at all. God does not ask us to do the things that are naturally easy for us— He only asks us to do the things that we are perfectly fit to do through His grace, and that is where the cross we must bear will always come. (My Utmost for His Highest, September 25).

So why all of the fear?  What is there to be afraid of?

Do you even know what in the world I am talking about?

I’m talking about 1 Peter 1:7 and Romans 10:14-15.  I’m talking about what Joel said to me back in Summer of 1985 - after I talked with him about 1 Peter 1:7.  He doesn’t remember it I’m sure… but I do.  I’m talking about the Holy Spirit speaking to me in the Fall of 1985 in Old Testament class through Romans 10:14-15.

It’s amazing how our minds recall the “God moments” in our lives. 

It’s amazing how it takes 20+ years to say yes… for such a time as this.

Being a focal giant

Focal [foh-kuhl] of or pertaining to a focus.

Giant [jahy-uhnt] a being with human form but superhuman size, strength, etc.

So, why a blog?  Why do I strive to keep up posting something here everyday?  Is it about the “stats”?  My pastor seems to think that blogging is all about the stats.  His wife seems to have her head in the game for the right reasons.  Now, don’t get me wrong I’m addicted to my stats just like the next blogger.  And when the hits aren’t rolling in I may need to seek out my therapist… (Lori is such a wonderful, loving, encourager on the days my blog tanks… She says, “get over it!”)

But why do I do this?

I remember the first several blogs that I posted and the fear I had clicking that “Publish” button for the first time.  It was a commitment to lay my words out there for anyone to read, enjoy, make fun of, be challenged by, and dare I say ‘inspire’.

Still the question remains, “why a blog?” 

My good friend Joel (who doesn’t have a blog and who’s wife limits his blogging time) is the one I credit for getting me hooked on this thing.  He was asking me if I read this blog or that blog… bloggity – blog – blog.  I started reading some – but for the most part those I read were negative, critical, and not edifying to the body of Christ.  I was reading blogs by those who proclaim Jesus in their personal and professional lives.  For the most part, what I had been reading was all about stirring up a bit of controversy thus attracting… “hits”.  Just another way to boost the stats.

I may not have the power of an email data base from a church to propigate my blog with tons of hits.  I don’t have a congregation that I hold hostage for information ONLY to be found on the pastor’s blog.  There are times I would think I may not even have a reader… in fact, the hits I get each day just may be Joel hitting the update button several times per hour.  I know Randy, She-Rambler and others do read…  To validate that others do read from other places I added the map to see just where the hits are coming from.  That’s pretty cool.

So, why a blog?

For me its about being a [foh-kuhl] [jahy-uhnt].  I was reading the comments posted on The Epiphany’s blog where my pastor (AWIP)referred to me as the “Focal Giant”.  It’s not just that I am 3 feet taller than AWIP. (I’m about 2 feet taller than most).  It’s not about my “all seeing eye”.  I know that my eyes have caused night terrors for some.  I hear Joel has done well with overcoming his night terrors. 

Back to the “why a blog?” question:  It’s all about keeping my focus.  I challenge myself each day to pray, read the Bible, devotionals, and live my life for JESUS CHRIST.  He is the lover of my soul.  He is the reason why I blog.  I want to be challenged in all I do.  I want to make the most of every opportunity I have to glean from my experiences in life. 

Back in the day of leading teenagers I would talk about life being a test and trust… today I would add a blog.

In the sight of God, all of our lives are written out in the ultimate blog of all time “The Book of Life”.  I know my name is there.  My life is being written out each day that I live.  What an honor to be found within the pages of God’s Book. 

God’s a great God full of love mercy and grace.  I would bet he even keeps tabs of His hits too.  What do you think?

Cast all my cares…

…upon You!

Ever tried to lay down a burden?  Have you ever tried to let something go that was totally tormenting your every thought? 

Monday night this week I went to bed relatively early (before Greta van Susteran was done talking about Tood Palin).  But I was up at 12:55 AM not to return to sleep until 4:30 AM.  During the time I was awake I was trying to pray through this thing… I was trying to lay down my burden.  I finally fell asleep still holding onto a burden I wanted to let go of.

So, what does one do? 

How do you let go of something that you really want to let go of?

I don’t have any answers here.

But an hour or so later I woke up again.  The following is what was running through my mind… through my heart… and has stayed present on my mind the past two days.  These are the words of Darrin McWatters from everybodyduck.  The song:  “Consuming Fear”.

  
I'm gonna trust in the Lord
I'm gonna trust in the Lord
I'll not be afraid I'll not be afraid I'll not be afraid anymore

I cast all my cares upon You
And anytime I don't know just what to do
I will cast all my cares upon You 

I cast all my cares upon You