There is this part of my life I haven’t found the courage to let go.  I think what I’m most afraid of is letting go of this fear or lack of courage and truly allow God to express Himself through me. I guess this place without courage has become comfortable. Yet more than anything else I want to live and prosper beyond this fear.

I was listening to someone talk recently.  This person has “found their voice“.  This person is at a place where their life has intersected with God’s destiny or purpose.  As I listened I could hear confidence, love, passion, and abandonment to God for the people he has been called to serve.  I’ve been in that place before and if you have or are there now you know what I’m talking about.

Over the past several years God has been deepening the foundation of my life.  It’s been a painful process… one that I have become to grow a bit impatient with… Yet deep down I know it is all for my growing.

 “In the spiritual realm, God only allows us to have as much of Him as our foundation, or life in Him, will support. If we want a powerful ministry that is Spirit-anointed, our house must be built on the Rock.  So when the storms come (and they will) our house will stand.”  A Cry in the Wilderness, Melody Green, xii.

I woke up yesterday morning with Matthew 5:13, “You are the salt of the earth,” on my mind.  As the day progressed, I took a moment to see how The Message read for this verse,

Let me tell you why you are here. You’re here to be salt-seasoning that brings out the God-flavors of this earth. If you lose your saltiness, how will people taste godliness? You’ve lost your usefulness and will end up in the garbage.

We should never grow tired of the refining process God allows us to go through.  I know I am learning more and more each day that He is laying a greater foundation in my life.  Each day I live I pray that my life is “salt-seasoning that brings our the God-flavors of this earth.”

One of my favorite songs by Jars of Clay is ”World’s Apart”. My prayer is that as God continues to work in my life that I leave nothing hidden from Him.  I pray that He takes my world apart so He can use me to be salt in this world.

Has God spoken to you? Has God revealed Himself to you through His Word, in prayer, a sermon, a friend, or a moment of being quiet before Him?  What has He told you?  When He spoke did you immediately walk into the light of His revelation? Or did a season of darkness sweep into your life?

I’ve found in my life when God speaks there is often a time of darkness that follows… A time of testing and trial… A season of waiting.

When God gives you a vision and darkness follows, wait. God will bring the vision He has given you to reality in your life if you will wait on His timing. Never try to help God fulfill His word. (Oswald Chambers, My Utmost for His Highest, January 19).

How do you handle those dark moments when silence is all your hear?  Jesus tells us in Matthew 6:33, “But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness and all of these things will be given to you as well” (NIV). 

“Be still and know I am God.” Psalm 46:10.

What do you do when your dreams aren’t turning out the way you expected?  Do you give up? Do you ignore your dream(s)? Do you continue waiting like the Israelites did whining and complaining? Or maybe you are like me and go through seasons of depression, times of complaining, moments of bitterness, and times of intense growth in Scripture and prayer.  I’ve experienced all of it.  I wish I could say I have been more spiritual than the rest of my list.

Maybe you are a lot like me and you have experienced the highs and lows of waiting.  The one thing I am so glad I can say is that I haven’t given up.  I haven’t quit pressing on and looking to God for strength and wisdom. Despite my resolve to finish this race strong, I have gone through moments of whining and complaining the past several years.  I told one friend recently that it is time for a change… just to hear him say, “That’s what your baby will be crying for after she is born. (Due in September).

Waiting is an interesting activity.  There are times of waiting and being still before the Lord.  And at the other extreme there are those times where it is necessary to break down some walls and get busy… put your hands to the plow and work.  During this season of waiting I’ve done a little of both.  But each time I begin to get busy I keep hearing this voice say, “This isn’t it.”  I heard those all familiar words at the first of this year. It was once again very frustrating for me.  What did I do?  I obeyed what I believed the Holy Spirit was telling me to do.  I totally backed off and stopped volunteering what I was doing at a particular church.

I haven’t arrived at where I desire and believe I will be one day…  I have a lot of hopes and dreams…  But I do believe I am exactly where I am supposed to be.  I’m taking in everything I can as I continue to wait and seek the Lord. 

The following message by Brian Bloye, “When Life Makes You Wait.”  Has been one of those moments where God has affirmed His presence in my life.  This message really inspired me.  I hope it will you too.

“Whether it was two days, or a month, or a longer time, that the cloud continued over the tabernacle, abiding there, the people of Israel remained in camp and did not set out, but when it lifted they set out.” (Numbers 9:22).

The people of Israel were led by God with a cloud by day and fire by night. They followed as the Lord led them. It wasn’t without a lot of complaining either. As I read through Numbers, I’m convicted of my own sin of complaining to the Lord and the frustration I have been causing those close to me.

A friend recently told me I needed to do what God has called me to. If I don’t those close to me will suffer from my not being obedient. I’m beginning to see what he was telling me six months ago.

I was visiting a young adult worship service back in the fall. It was an awesome time of worship and teaching. The message was on how to deal with depression. There were 10 points on the outline. Then Dave said, “Number 11, Do what the Lord is telling you to do.”

Have you ever been in a fog so thick you couldn’t drive? Life seems a bit like that right now for me. Sit tight until the fog lifts… And I complain, get angry, and make everyone else miserable.

After I read Numbers 9:22 tonight I began to think that maybe the cloud is not so bad afterall. Maybe life seems cloudy right now because Im not ready to move on. Whatever the reason for this season I embrace it and ask God to forgive me of my complaining.

“The call of God only becomes clear to us as we obey, never as we weigh the pros and cons and try to reason it out… When we hear the call of God it is not for us to dispute with God and arrange to obey him if he will expound the meaning of his call to us.” (Oswald Chambers Devotional Bible, “The Call of God”).

I got home from work and the smell of chili in the air was fantastic! My wife had taken the time to make a large pot of chili on the stove. I sat my computer down and grabbed a spoon so I could taste and see the chili as it continued to simmer.

I’m still reading in the first chapters of Psalms. I can’t seem to move beyond the depth of prayer that David experienced. I linger over Chapter 5 where David says to God,

“Every morning you’ll hear me at it again. Every morning I lay out the pieces of my life on your altar and watch for the fire to descend.” (5:2-3, The Message).

Skip down to verses 7-8, “And here I am, your invited guest – it’s incredible! I enter your house, here I am, prostrate in your inner sanctum, waiting for directions to get me through enemy lines.”

There is a depth of living in God’s presence that I want to experience. it seems like I don’t spend the time necessary to move beyond the surface of this life. I note in these words of David that God could count on him, “EVERY MORNING I lay out the pieces of my life…”

David had a time and he was consistent in going before the Lord. He was also patient as I read in verse 8, “Waiting for directions to get me safely through enemy lines.”

My prayer life so often is me running out the door, sipping my coffee, while racing to work. At least I have the every morning piece of this together. It’s strange that I expect to know how God wants me to navigate my life on this hap-hazard prayer time racing to work.

It’s time I throw away my microwaved prayers and learn to simmer in the Lord’s presence so that the fragrance can fill up the room… fill up my life so that others can say, “Hey, there is something about that guy.” That something being the love of Jesus.

We sat down for leftover chili the next evening and each bowl had been individually microwaved for the sake of time. As we sat down to eat we discovered not all the bowls had been heated thoroughly. The chili was only hot on the surface.

It’s time to move beyond the surface and dig deep into the presence of God every morning and to wait for his direction.

Do you recall the scene from Toy Story 2 when Andy’s mom put Woody on the shelf? After Andy leaves the room the toys come out and one of them says, “Woody’s been shelved.”

Woody’s arm had been ripped while Andy was playing with him. So to keep him from further damage Andy’s mom shelved him. The cool thing about Woody is that he didn’t let his damage keep him down.

There was another toy that had been shelved too. After that toy gets put in a yard sale Woody didn’t let his own wound keep him from helping another toy in need.

At some time in life we all experience deep wounds and hurts. We can let them take our joy and our purpose or we can turn them into nuggets of hope for someone else.

I don’t believe God shelves any of us forever. I know for me I have had to sit on the shelf in order to allow the healing take place. I’m recharged and ready to go! I know I carry many scares but I pray they can each serve has a resource of hope to others.

“You can’t give up what God gives you.” A random comment from an elderly man I met at the hospital a couple of years ago.

“It is clear to us, friends, that God not only loves you very much but also has put his hand on you for something special. (1 Thessalonians 1:4, The Message).

I can’t state it any better than Oswald Chambers.  My words I have tried to put together are worthless to go with this quote.  So, I’ll just let Chambers do the talking. 

There are times when you can’t understand why you cannot do what you want to do. When God brings a time of waiting, and appears to be unresponsive, don’t fill it with busyness, just wait. The time of waiting may come to teach you the meaning of sanctification— to be set apart from sin and made holy— or it may come after the process of sanctification has begun to teach you what service means. Never run before God gives you His direction. If you have the slightest doubt, then He is not guiding. Whenever there is doubt— wait.

At first you may see clearly what God’s will is— the severance of a friendship, the breaking off of a business relationship, or something else you feel is distinctly God’s will for you to do. But never act on the impulse of that feeling. If you do, you will cause difficult situations to arise which will take years to untangle. Wait for God’s timing and He will do it without any heartache or disappointment. When it is a question of the providential will of God, wait for God to move. (My Utmost for His Highest, January4).