Does the call ever leave you? Can you do anything in your life to make God’s call go away or be revoked? These are questions I wrestle with at this time in life. In agony of soul I wrestle with these questions. They consume my thoughts and prayers each day.
I watched “City Slickers” with Billy Crystal the other night. The thoughts of calling popped out at me when I watched it in the theatre at the time it was showing. And the thoughts come back to me again while watching it in my living room a few nights ago.
It’s that “One thing” that haunts me.
I’ve been journaling quite a bit about this lately. I have been thinking about it. I have been praying about it, etc. I’m searching to find out what God wants of me.
Today I turn the pages in My Utmost for His Highest by Oswald Chambers and this whole idea of calling charges at me off the page. The first sentence of the devotional reads, “It is easier to serve or work for God without a vision and without a call, because then you are not bothered by what he requires.” I’m bothered. I’m bothered by the fact I’m not living out that vision. I’m bothered that the vision (the one thing) is not being fulfilled in my life.
I ask now – How can it be fulfilled? In what capacity can this call be fulfilled?” My soul is not content these days. I’m glad of that. But I still ask, “How?”
Chambers last sentence or so is this, “Never consider whether or not you are of use – but always consider that ‘you are not your own’ (1 Corinthians 6:19). You are his.” I find comfort in this.
So I wait. I wait to find some understanding of this that I wrestle with. Yesterday I asked the Lord, “Will you dance with me?” Today I ask, “Lord, may I dance with you?”