abandon self

Two words.  So hard to translate into life. 

According to Dictionary.com, abandon means:

to leave completely and finally; forsake utterly; desert

to give up the control of

Can one forsake utterly themselves… give up the total control?  It’s hard to live this way.  This totally goes against the grain of human nature!

Tonight I’m thinking of one of my friends stories he told us in our men’s group.  Each year for the past several years he would drive from Georgia to New Mexico, Arizona, and Colorado for vacation with his son.  At the time they would pull out in the Jeep, he would remind his son that the entire ride was the vacation… not just the destination.  So off they’d go to the beautiful Southwest enjoying the entire journey. 

I’m also reminded of the time I moved back to Georgia with my family from New Mexico.  My 3 children were born in Texas and New Mexico.  They’ve never lived here in Georgia.  My oldest wanted to ride with me in the truck we rented to get our stuff here.  She wasn’t content with a bird’s eye view of the country from the airplane… she wanted to experience the country from the ground upclose and personal.  We were all excited about the destination… but she didn’t want to miss the journey getting here.

Too often in life I have gotten so focused on the the destination in life that I have neglected the journey.  I’m learning more and more each day what life is about.  It’s not about me.  It’s not about my career or where I will end up one day ministerially speaking… It’s all about God.  Everything: the good, the bad, the ugly, and the beautiful.  I’ve always believed this but I don’t think I’ve ever really lived it… or at least to the point of total abandonment.

This all brings me to the topic of total abandonment… living a life abandoned to God. 

Can one really live like this?  I’m on a quest to find out. 

Isaiah was abandoned to God, “Here am I, send me!”

That’s my focus these days.

I know how I hope to be living this out in the next year or so.  I hope that the plans all work out.  Until then, I am going to enjoy the journey and take each step one at a time.  I may end up where “I” want to be serving the Lord… or the journey could lead to some other discoveries of God that I’ve yet to uncover. 

I’m going to enjoy the journey of being in His presence all along the way.

I attended a youth testimonial time tonight at church.  I wonder how many of them knew what the future held for them a year before they each got involved in 1 of 3 missions opportunities over the summer? 

I’ll go where You send me… I want to be Your hands and feet.

The call of the sea

I’m not sure how to say what’s really on my mind.  The words just can’t be found.  I want to count for God more than anything else in life.  I know if I do count for God then all aspects of my life will in essence be taken care of.  That’s not to say tough days will not be had.  I know all to well that troubles come when in the midst of “doing” God’s plan.

I’ve heard it said, “The safest place to be is in the center of God’s will.”  Being in the center of God’s will just may be the most dangerous place to be.  Stephen comes to mind from the book of Acts.  Hmmm…  I don’t think having rocks thrown at me is a very safe place to be – until death.  In the midst of the stoning Stephen looked up and saw the Lord standing… I’ve often thought in honor of Stephen.

But that’s just it… not the stoning – but rather – His plan.  That’s what is on my mind – I just can’t figure out how to talk about it.  So I sit… at a loss for words. I sit in silence awaiting a word from Him.  Enjoying his presence in the silence… knowing that He is here.  And I’m really in the midst of His plan after-all.  Seeking Him.

In My Utmost for His Highest, Oswald Chambers states,

The call of God is like the call of the sea – no one hears it except the person who has the nature of the sea in him. (August 5)

I guess that’s why we choose to do what it is we do.  Because we hear the call from God and we respond. 

The question I have is – “Why is it so hard to hear God at times? Especially when it comes to “calling”.  And why is it we (I) put so much emphasis on vocation and calling?  At times, I have difficulty separating the two.  Should they be separated? 

I know what I want to do.  It is a risky venture… the riskiest of all the things I have pursued in ministry.  I’ve begun to make some steps in this direction – once again.  I’m open to God’s leadership to steer me elsewhere… until then (if “then” ever happens) I will pursue this.  The road to get me ready starts now and is at best a year out before the next phase.  There is much that I need to set me on the road.  I’m praying God will help me in a miraculous way.  I’m praying that my family will know this is His plan. 

Lord, hear my heart, “Here am I, send me!”